How to make the Sunday paper more fun

- Movie studio promotional material disguised as news (drink)

- WWII/Nazis/the Holocaust/Fascism (drink)

- Lenny Bruce/Charlie Chaplin/Bob Dylan presented as hippie/red-diaper-baby magic talismans of Culture. (drink, drink, drink!)

- Trend stories (”more and more”/”increasingly”/”anecdotally speaking”) (drink once for every 1,000 words)

- Scientific studies presented to explain/justify why human beings do what they do… (drink)

- … especially in relation to some issue of culture wars, eg- homosexual sheep (chug)

- “How has (X) changed since 9/11?” (finish the fucking bottle)

Comments (4) to “How to make the Sunday paper more fun”

  1. At least jouralists are still trying to write clips for the New York Times.
    E.B. White would be proud:

    “Subsequent fundraisers are in the planning stages to help defray the funeral costs for the families of the five victims.”
    -The Chicago Tribune
    chicagotribune.com/news/local/chi-0703260597mar27,1,3423703.story?coll=chi-news-hed

  2. One more, from the Philadelphia Inquirer about a charity worker arrested for selling drugs (the second graph is key):

    He led a modest, “squeaky-clean life” over his 25 years in the company, sometimes serving alongside his wife and sons, also VisionQuest employees, said friends and former coworkers.

    But federal authorities said Zasa had a darker side as a key member of another organization - one that was wrecking lives.

  3. Peter, why don’t you just try to enjoy your Sunday afternoons? All this drinking and shouting and throwing the paper across the room isn’t healthy.

  4. I know. I should read a book or something…

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