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Things I know how to do

Open a bottle of wine and pour it, set up a WordPress installation on its own virtual server, group six rounds fired from a .38 Special revolver at 20 yards on a chest-sized target, graph data in Excel, flip an egg without a spatula, raise and train a puppy, dice a carrot, change the oil on a car, change the sparkplugs on a car, change a flat on a car, change a flat on a bike, ride through heavy city traffic on a bike, read a 400-page novel in Spanish, start over from nothing in New York City, pick out fresh fish at an open-air market, light a cigarette with a match in a windstorm, remove a treble hook from a live small-mouth bass, read a balance sheet, mop a floor, change a diaper in an airplane lavatory, swim across a small lake without drowning, start over from nothing in San José, Costa Rica, carve the figure of a small bird out of butternut, drive in snow, clean a squid, give an injection of anti-nausea medication in the top quarter of a right buttock, hit a dozen clay pigeons in a row with a pump-action 20-guage shotgun, hang drywall, make a brown-rice risotto, drive an end-loader, translate a 5000-word Spanish document into English in one day, persuade a toddler that what I want him to do is what he himself wants to do, pick out a mattress, start over from nothing in Santiago, Chile, edit HTML tags, do a proper pushup, write a 12-page academic paper in Spanish, get top marks on a 12-page academic paper in Spanish, stay happy with the same woman for eight years, cook a steak better than 75% of restaurants, tell an amusing anecdote in Spanish to four native speakers in a noisy bar without interrupting the flow of conversation, build a cheeseburger that is better than in 90% of restaurants, tell from a dog’s body language if it is happy or scared or angry or sick, ignore Thomas Freidman, write a lede, write a blog post, write 100 blog posts, write 2,000 tweets, start over from nothing in Washington, D.C.

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