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I do not want to be your friend

I signed up for Facebook today. I did, I really tried, and I got past the part where they ask you what schools you went to, what year you graduated high school, what year you graduated college, then I clicked OK on a couple other things, and… holy shit.

Those two made a baby? And that douche-bag joined the Marines? And that passive-aggressive weirdo now thinks he’s Michael Jackson? And what’s with all the Hillsdale people who became fucking priests?

And after my brain sucked up all this juicy gossip, it descended into my stomach and congealed into a cold lump. Because I knew the only way I could get more of this gossip was to reciprocate – to volunteer information on My Life Since Graduation, what I look like, what I do, who I married, where I live.

And it hit me that really, that’s what Facebook is about – gossip.  “Social networking” is just this decade’s version of sour-faced Mrs. Fergueson and her telescope, and the really scary thing is not that people like to gossip and spy on each other, but that they like it enough that if it comes down to a “show me yours, I’ll show you mine” kind of a situation, most people do so.

My foray into Facebook lasted three minutes. Truth be told, I don’t really want to see most of you people again, unless we’re drinking.

Anyway, the Facebook server says my account is still there… should I ever wish to reactivate it.

One Comment

  1. Wow, not the Peter I used to know. Btw, I’m using facebook to make business connections, and stay in touch with family. Maybe you’re right to a degree, but I’ve found it useful.

    Tuesday, February 3, 2009 at 12:33 | Permalink

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